Sometimes people don’t understand an illness like biopolar disorder. I had been nailed by two different people on other ends — one for being anti-gay, and the other thinking that I don deserve to be on disability. She was thinking that all who have bipolar disorder should get off their asses and get a fucking job. Sometimes that is easier said than done. I have been trying to find work for a year before getting disability — and when I knew that I needed disability it is when I was growing even more despressed and I have days like that from time to time. It is sometimes that I look at it as me against the world and that is often the truth. The awful truth being — society is cruel to the mentally ill in a modern day and age. They do treat it like witchcraft if one knew they had an illness as this. As my cousin, Amie, told me — reality is someone elses fucked up dream, and the ones you though who would be your friends online would one stab one in the back. It is harder when it is closer to ones home front, because who knows you might be seeing that person in the street somewhere; but if another person with my kind of temper — if they got their hands on the gun, they bust some shots off. I would never do that sort of thing though personally — because it is not in my nature. Though I think about people who do that all the time — more so since I had a friend doing time for killing a cab driver while he was strung up, and some of my best friend’s friends who he runs with are often strung up with one thing or another. But for this woman
to say that I am faking bipolar — that is something she don’t even know about me; the only ones who knew that I have an illness are the ones who are my close friends and those are the ones who are almost like family for me. Living through the eyes of a tormenting illness and for those who would say that I could be healed with the hand of God, they are lying to my face. One doesn’t know how good someone really is until they write a peice that is really contraversal, and when they assume I tell them that I have bipolar it is the same as what she has — not all bipolar cases are the same. I was dianosed as Axis II disorder, and sometimes not all people understand that — in and out of doctors for the past two years, and in and out of the hospitals three different times for psychicatric reasons.