A Mind Of Illiness, blogging in general, christianity, Damnation Observes, Decades of Therapy: The Aftermath, Edgar Allan Poe, fuck you, H.P. Lovecraft, Legend Keeper, mental health, New Short Story Completed, nickolaus pacione, Ramsey Campbell, Revisiting Old Journals, Robert E. Howard, Rockaway: 6000 Village Idiots, Stygian Dealer, The Room Mate: Legacy Of A Weird One, writing life
These things will have someone who is bipolar breathing down your ass — one of the reasons I penned the story, The Ward, and 12 Kellogg — that fucking new age crap pisses me off more than anything as much as the legalistic zealot crap does. Mary Sangiovanni said the one that’s even more monstrous and I am talking with Darkheart33 to help me with a PSA on her end as I am going to outline everything and I will provide the narration for it. I have new material I have written because of some this. Some of the things they said here contributed to me leaving the church and almost never returning. As I am writing Legend Keeper there is an underlying madness wandering with that one; there is a new story I just wrote and submitted out a 4,700 word story that I am not going to name the market where I submitted this to because I don’t want chomo harassing the magazine to have this dropped from consideration. When you want to silence someone who has a mental illness — you have to realize Adolf killed us too in the Holocaust.
I think that’s part of the reason I penned Damnation Observes (get this here) and The Room Mate then passing around the latter story around MySpace.com around for free to my friends to have a laugh at Michelle Russo. If Emilie Autumn heard what Michelle said of me as she’s also bipolar she wouldn’t be photographed with her. If you want piss me off and really have me finding who you are — hiding behind a fake name to simplify very complex complex to someone to an intellect of a reader who reads The Toad And The Frog Together. If you really sat down and read this story and thumbed around my blog postings speaking about my mental health — you wouldn’t go picking something like that apart like an asshole; you would let other people buy the anthology if you had a heart. Also those who are going around doing those shitty cartoons — you are contributing to this too whether you know it or not; and this child-fucker; you want to have respect for Mary Sangiovanni and tell someone who has Bipolar to give up. You want to have us pissing down your back — underestimating someone with a disability any disability is a huge mistake. Then buying their work because you “feel sorry” for us — that pisses me off too. When you were in DLP clases; they treat you like shit over it — we’ve been treated like shit enough as it is. If we chose to publish on our own without a mainstream publisher — think about what we can do when we have the will to learn. That will to learn and able to use things we never used before to send a message out there — I guess Jennifer L. Miller forgot that when she blocked me on twitter or when I addressed her on facebook.
Gabrielle Faust I may have pissed off by saying what I said in Italian; but if you know how to use bing.com’s translator — and that will help speaking with contacts who have a language barrier. But I am going to say this — if you’re a TOC mate with an author don’t fuck them over or stifle them unless they published an author who took a shit on their TOC memory. What I said to Jennifer L. Miller and she saw people wanting my blood for this comment — it was backhanded in the tone. I would never hit a women but the way I said it was rather hostile; if she knew what I went through just to be published — she would give me a little more respect. The Word Weavers anthologies really don’t do some of the writers justice with the layouts — it was if they were just using one word processor to do it. The thing that I said to both of them — the reader I gave them, they really don’t deserve because they are my personal friends. I had lost good and longtime friends over this industry — and part of the reason for my project is unify the longtime friends and have my extended family to come join the ten year celebration as a publisher. Not many small press publishers reach that mark. Lake Fossil Press is a survivor and Gayest Uncommon Denominator had leaked a story they rejected — the reason they did that because it was mine. You want to know why I hate GUD magazine and gave that fucking name; they’re in cahoots with S.E. Cox because they did her video game like covers (they look like fucking video games. Was she sleeping with her cover artist?) I know a few will be looking at a comment like this — it makes them bitch when you say something truly offensive; when the legalistic types want to get even with me in some ways. This new story I did — the one that has origins in my conflicts with former classmates; and some will have 800 lbs of turdage dumped on them and I will be the one smelling cleaner than the shit they’re in. I have the little guy in mind since year one — almost three years before DH#3 merged out of nowhere.
If you are going to stifle someone with a learning disability and a mental illness, where the fuck is your heart? That’s if you have one — The Grinch had a bigger heat than yours when he stole Christmas if that makes sense for you. If you sabotage someone’s most personal project — setting them up for failure; then what the fuck are you doing in this industry? Get out of my industry if you do that — let me get my submissions and get the word out with my publication; now that I lost all support from Ralan.com — I am on my own in that department. But if you are willing to donate a few seconds of your time just to help me get the word out with my magazine and submission calls, I am not done as a publisher. It’s been three years since my last anthology, but when I see Miller out there in my eyes she’s like Kat Nolan and my readers will know what she’s like. When I addresses the one according to her bio she’s only been at since 2005 — the really serious dark horror story came out when I was 20 years old. But when I got older I became more epic in nature with my storytelling — and that is what you are going to see with Legend Keeper. This story is really fucking aggressive as the story I just wrote in one sitting that’s 4700 words. I had a note at the beginning of it because it referenced Joliet Herald News; and if you want to know the back story behind that one as this also has origins in writing my 1999 story and A Mind Of Illness.
“You fucking hurt my feelings Nick — you misogynistic pig,” I heard someone call me a pig; but my ex-fiancee was the guest of honor at the pig party. That’s part of the reason I am keeping the new story that’s 4700 words and the magazine a secret until I hear more from them but if you want the link where to submit to them especially if you were a TOC mate on Emanations or worked with my magazine; I will point you to them — e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will privately give you the link to this one. If you stifle those who have a mental illness and tell them they need to be committed — that pisses me off more than anything. Saying one is “not stable” look at what authors who have a history of mental illness contributed to the literary landscape before you say something like that. Especially when I outlived Robert E. Howard — he died when he turned 30 because he committed suicide.
You think about that next time you pick up that story by Robert E. Howard when you stigmatize those who have a mental illness because that person you might had drive to do that was the creator of Conan. Mary you think about that long and hard before you ostracize someone especially when your hypocrisy had been revealed to the masses — ten years ago you vehemently fucked over authors who did release their own material. Pot meet kettle, and color is black. You think about that when you read Robert E. Howard and what you said of me — and when I read that interview about you and when your son’s father left him. Look at his future; and when you see those videos of me — you’re looking at it. I am your kid’s future lady. When a kid is without a biological father at a young age — they become jaded when they go walking up and down the park when they see other kids walking with their father and playing ball with them.
Think about that before you treat someone like shit — especially when you may never know when an Edgar Allan Poe is going to emerge out of this. Some never got over this — some don’t forgive shit like this. Hell I am happy a old classmate is my advocate of what I do especially when she reads the weird, dark and freaky. I think it would be cool to have Chris Becker reconnect up with me because he saw me during Gothicfest 2005 –the day before everything unfolded as he wished me good luck with this one. I guess the other classmates couldn’t handle a homecoming on this level; when the end of innocence came to town. I found this video and going to debunk that the mind is spiritual thing, it’s physical and what you see with a mental illness is a chemical imbalance. I am going to share this blog in a way where the revelation I have is that of experience with my own diagnosis and with the things I read of authors who had been diagnosis with a mental illness — Phillip K. Dick wrote some of his work from an asylum. This person on video said the mind is a spiritual thing; this is where I beg to differ and I invite the blogger of that link above me to chime in on this. I think Beeman was a little more plausible with this as I was talking to someone who was living with the ghoulish reality that a friend of his took an easy way out — the eternal solution to a temporary problem. Bloodglood, Metallica, and now Iced Earth addressed mental illness — the song by Iced Earth that addressed it is on Dystopia. That the modern society made the ideal of mental health — politicians have no realization (the liberal ones who drive us into bastard states; Legend Keeper is setting the tone for this.)